postcardsfromspace:Greetings, Colleague [Name of Test Subject]!In recognition of your …

postcardsfromspace:

Greetings, Colleague [Name of Test Subject]!

In recognition of your [hard work / untimely death] on [Name of Recent Project], an Advanced Confectionery Positive Reinforcement Facilitative System has been placed in the Production Break Area.

The Advanced Confectionery Positive Reinforcement Facilitative System may be unsuitable for persons allergic to wheat, chocolate, eggs, sugar, low doses of gamma radiation, bing cherries, coffee, dairy, and microchips.

Please note that interacting with the Advanced Confectionery Positive Reinforcement Facilitative System will certify that your [work / thoughts / internal organs including but not limited to the spleen, kidneys, and brain stem] are the sole property of Aperture Laboratories.

Please note that by reading this message, you have certified that your [work / thoughts / internal organs including but not limited to the spleen, kidneys, and brain stem] are the sole property of Aperture Laboratories.

The Advanced Confectionery Positive Reinforcement Facilitative System cannot speak. If the Advanced Confectionery Positive Reinforcement Facilitative System speaks, it will probably lie to you.

Thank you for your participation in this test of the Advanced Confectionery Positive Reinforcement Facilitative System, for science.